I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
