I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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