STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
