u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
