Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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