Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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