It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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