I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
