grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
