I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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