hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
