They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My feet surprised me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
