yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
