nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
