no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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