I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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