thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
