Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
