I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
well you can't waste a boner
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
