Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
