I wish I could teleport
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
