i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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