i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
