Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize