somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
