you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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