Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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