My hand turned me down
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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