Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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