Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
