I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
