that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
