What did we do last night that was yellow?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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