I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
