That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
