bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
