had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
