brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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