You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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