I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
