My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
