She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
