It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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