Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
