That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
