just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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