we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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