Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
