i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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