he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
