I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize