I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize