Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
