Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I still have a little drunk in my system
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Text me some of your sweat
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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