i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
