I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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