I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize