You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
