I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
