I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
