I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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