Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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