This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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