I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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