we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
