so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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