she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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