i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
