True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
