I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
