The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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