I skipped work to stalk him.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i now understand why vodka
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
