I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
