is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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