so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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