shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
