I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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