dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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