why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
