At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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