Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
