you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
