I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How's work?
Spinning.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Mom said you looked used
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize