I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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