I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
