He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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