You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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