So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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